I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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