shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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