wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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