I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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