Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
