She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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