Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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