JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
