He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
