so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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