I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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