I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
