Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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