Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
