And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
