i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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