I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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