Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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