Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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