We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
