if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
