Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
