I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
