Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
