I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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