i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
