can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
operation have a gay friend backfired
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
