Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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