If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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