i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
