we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
