he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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