you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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