Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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