Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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