so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
