butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
