No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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