# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
