yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
