i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We have started to decorate penises.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
