At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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