i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
