Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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