ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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