Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
