Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
