I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
