How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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