Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
