oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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