And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
