Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
