You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
